Are you a bad mom because of how you gave birth?
- Carina de Klerk
- Feb 7, 2018
- 4 min read
Ok so first of all, this post is totally non-biased. I am a mother of two. My first was a c-section and my second was a home birth. I am a birth doula. I have met moms from all avenues of life and who have had to make different choices, and I have studied the pros, the cons, and the stats from both sides.
So this blog post was inspired by the various posts I have seen on social media, especially in the last couple of weeks. Moms whose hearts are broken over their birth dreams that they had to give up. Moms who choose a c-section and get defensive when the topic of which is better gets brought up. Mammas who had c-sections bashing natural birth moms and saying it does not earn them an award. And natural birth moms making it sound like moms who had c-sections just never tried hard enough.
It breaks my heart to see communities of mothers split into two and these attacks on social media where the people do not realize there is a person on the other side of that phone or computer screen.
It is not a competition. It is not something to fight about. Having a natural birth does not make a mother better than a mommy who had a surgical birth. And having a c-section does not mean moms who had natural births have stretched out vaginas that will never be the same again.
WE ARE ALL MOTHERS and at the end of the day, that should be enough to have respect from both sides.
To c-section moms. This might be what you chose. If you made an informed decision and knew the pros and the cons from both sides and decided that this is what would be best for you and your baby, that's okay!
If you had to have an emergency c-section. I know you might hate your body. I know you might feel betrayed. I know you have probably given up hopes and dreams and cried many tears. It's okay to be sad. You did the best you could in that moment and you made the decision you felt was best for you and your precious baby. I know it can hurt when people say, "All that matters is that your baby is safe." Because you matter too. Now that baby is here, what about you?
Mammas you went through so much to get your little one into this world. They cut through you. Awake or asleep, it is not an easy thing to go through. Some of you might have healed so fast you hardly felt any pain. Some of you might have been in excutiating pain that just never seemed to go away. I am sorry if you had a bad experience mamma. And I am so happy for the mommies who had great experiences! You fought so hard and gave so much and had to face so many risks and all to welcome a beautiful miracle into this world. YOU ARE ENOUGH!
To the natural birth mommies. I have been there. Hours of waves that seem never to end. The feeling that someone is holding your insides and twisting them. The back pain and the leg twitches. The tears. The primal side of it all. The ring of fire. And welcoming your baby into the world.
Some of you had to be induced. Some of you had to have your water manually ruptured. Some of you got an epidural, gas, or other pain meds. Some of you got a catheter (ouch!) and some of you had an IV all the time since you got to the hospital. Some birthed in water and some birthed on land. Some wore weird little hospital gowns that show your whole back door. Other wore their bikinis. And some of you went all animal-like and starkers like I did!
Some of you tore. Some needed an episiotomy. Some needed a vacuum and some of you had breech babies! Some of you had no interventions at all.
Do you see how different things can be for every person? That is just the start of it all. Not one mamma is the same. Not one baby is the same. And not one birth is the same.
I am a believer in our body's ability to birth babies naturally. I am a believer that a parent should choose what will be best for them in their own special situation. As long as they are informed and make the decision themselves, every birth can be beautiful. Nobody is better than the other, no matter what you would like to think.
Statistically a natural birth is safer than a c-section. A vbac is safer than a repeat c-section too. So yes I will advocate for them if that is what the mom wants because it is the healthier decision in "MOST" cases with healthy pregnancies, mommies and babies. But parents have the choice on how they want to welcome their babies into the world. And that should always be respected.
Moms on social media, think before you type because your words can be like daggers. I take my hat off to all mothers who have brought their babies into the world, no matter which way. And my heart goes out to everyone in this world that would do anything to say hello to their baby at the end of it all. To the c-section moms, to the moms who birthed vaginally or naturally, to the moms who lost their babies, and to the moms who haven't been on that path yet, I salute you. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are amazing. Remember that.
Vent over.
Comments